deb’s daily log

I’m up awake feeling like shit at 2 am in the morning. I can’t get to sleep. The thought of screwing up in over whelming. I can’t even watch sex and the city in peace without thinking about all these stuff.

Is work really taking over my life that it has taken over my weekdays night, my weekends and now my sleep? It has totally made lose my social life, my everything. Honestly. Kill me. I feel like the worse creature right now. The worse is there is no one I can give a ring to rant about. Why can’t I be independent about my feelings? Must I always rely on someone just to let me have peace in my life? Come to think of it, I do have a lot of peace in my life that it has officially turned boring.

Can I disappear for a while? I feel like hiding under my sheets for a whole weekend. When was the last I did that. When.

Yesterday I was all confused and all. Today I have set my mind to a decision. I am going to apply for the degree course Ngee Ann is offering. I am hoping everything goes well. Which means I will have to get started on the two essays as well as to think about my creative resume. Hmm.. Wish me luck!

Anyhow, I felt weird in office today. The amount of work to be done is like eeww.. I didn’t even feel like snacking very much. But the thought that the shoot is on Monday. OMG. I honestly don’t know how will the start of the 6 days of shoot go.. =x. I am hoping everything goes well. I am hoping nothing major screw up. I hope I don’t disappoint anyone with my inexperience self.

Somehow, in a strange way, I am looking forward to shoot. Not because of smelly vespa, but I don’t know why. Somehow smelly vespa is making me not want to go for shoot.

Hmm.

xoxo,

deb

Hmm.. Came back from the NP degree program talk. I am really caught like stuck stuck STUCK. Like I don’t know what should my next step be. A degree in Creative Producing is honestly what I really want to learn about. But the thought that it starts in August and I am still under a contract. I honestly don’t know if I should. I mean, if I were to leave at such short notice, wouldn’t it reflect badly on myself? Maybe I should not hurry into things and apply for the next intake next August? Will that be better? Oh dear. I am honestly, seriously, so caught in the middle. On one hand, I don’t want to break my contract with Spinn and on the other hand, I feel that it will be easier to get into this course for the first intake. I don’t know I don’t know.

Also, to make things worse. I actually thought about having a degree in Marketing before this. Now that I have attended the talk on this degree program, I feel like it somehow fulfilled my reasons for wanted to take Marketing - to market my ‘film’/ my company’s ‘film’ out. Sigh. But since it’s a different degree afterall, I will be tied down to producing if I were to take this Creative Producing degree (Specialized) but I will be relatively free to choose if I were to take up a degree on Marketing (General). So it boils down to one point, to be specialized or not.

I hate making decisions. I also tend to list down the pros and cons of both sides and end up confusing myself. Also, since this is an important issue, I can’t just choose with my gut feelings. I HAVE to be sure about it. Oh dear. Save me.

Maybe I should stick to my original plan of working for a year before officially going back to study again. At least I have 1 year to collect my letter of recommendations. You think?

I’m a confused child.

deb

Hmm.. A new look to my blog. hahah.. I was busy thinking about the header for my blog and I finally came up with this ‘deb’s daily log’. After saving everything and all.. I refreshed this blog and see how it finally look. Though I have to admit I really prefer the old look a lot, but something in me just makes me want to change. Thank god I am not using blogger anymore though. Otherwise, I would be fiddling with the html codes all night and there goes my sleep. In a way, I am happy to be able to use custom themes though it is awfully boring.

Seeing that it is awfully boring, I wanted a header that screams me. But obviously, I couldn’t think of a suitable one. I decided to go with something oh so boring instead. Like a header to serve its purpose. So it’s the daily log. Then after looking at it for a while, i realised something so important. I DON’T BLOG EVERYDAY. Can I even call this my daily log? Hahahaha.. So people. Help your poor friend out. I need a title that screams me. Words that best fit my personality. Words that best fit an emotionally unstable girl - me. (:

xoxo,
deb

It’s weird how someone can call you in the middle of no where like really suddenly at wee hours just to ask you some lame questions.

x: eh where you?
me: at home why?
x: you working tomorrow?
me: ya…. ?
x: what time?
me: 9 why?
x: where you working?
me: tanjong pagar. why?
x: huh for what?!
me: production house. Why?
x: orh.. eh how much you earn?
me: huh? why? I don’t know?
x: how much you earn?
me: why you wanna know? huh? why you so weird suddenly call me and ask this question.
x: just tell me.
me: $xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
x: wow.. so rich ah?
me: huh? why you wanna know all these?
x: no la.. just want to know.. eh. wanna meet not?
me: huh? no?

this weird conversation went on and I just can’t stop thinking what a weird conversation was that? In the first place, to see him calling at this hour is weird enough. And such a weird conversation? Anyone with the right mind will not meet up. Like Hello?!!?

Anyhow.

xoxoxo,
deb (Hahah!)

I have been wanting to get my ass to catch some movie for a very long while. Today I did that. And I caught the ever so long Sex and The City. (: (Yes. I know. Slow) ANYWAYS……. I LOVED IT! I love it so much I continued laughing even outside the theaters!!! Of coz the company counts. (:

Anyhow, I suspect ladida has a girlfriend. Like hello!!!! WHY!!! OMG. I am so going crazy and SICK of being single. LIKE I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I want to lovey dovey with someone over the weekends, lovey dovey with someone after work, catch all the latest movies… It’s not all about sex though. It’s about cuddling and feeling loved. Obviously, I don’t have the time BUT NONETHELESS, I promise to squeeze all my time out for that person!! (I prefer ‘he’ this time round) But of coz, not anyone will do the trick. You know.. I’m not the old me!! Maybe MAYBE MAYBE this time round, I will meet someone at the shoot????? @_@!!!

Anyhow, I am so going on a diet. LIKE OFFICIALLY. SO OFFICIAL I AM PUTTING THIS POST UP ON MY BLOG. So people. If you see me eating junk, snatch it away from me. Stop me from finishing up my food, stop me with I’m HALFway done, I will be try my best to drink plain water. I will try my best to stick to 3 meals a day. 2 if possible. But I will start with 3. I will try my best to drink 7-8 glasses of water everyday so as to clear my toxin in my body. Hmm. Maybe I should use about 9-10 glasses. I should have quite a bit to clear.OR MAYBE. I SHOULD GO ON A DETOX SESSION!!! Oh shit. But I have a zillion family dinner and lunch coming up. Shitz… I think I am going to explode like tomorrow. My mum will come in my room and I am not lying on my bed. Instead, there will be lard lying all over the place. I have finally exploded.

Please everyone. PLEASE. Stop my gorging sessionssssss. PLEASE.

xoxo,

deb

Father’s day at Crystal Jade Korean BBQ rest @ Ngee Ann City.

Food was not exactly the best of the best, but it was a fresh idea for a father’s day! At least for my family. A small family of 4 (sister’s overseas), sat at the corner with all these amazing food lying in front of us. The food was so much that we did not have space left on the table to put more down!

God. I love eating. I love food. How can I ever get slimmed down!?!?! Ok. I am going to get that fab diet after HDW shoot, after my sister’s return and the wonderful sushi buffet and family dinners. YUM. After that. I wil get my ass down to get that fab diet. Please then my friends, lock me away from yums.

I have more outdated pictures though. For example, pictures from my grad. Hahaha! I have not uploaded it yet. It’s still in my cam and my cam’s still in the office. Oh well. Soon. (:

xoxo,

deb

Having hit the big 2 last year, there were several changes my body went through. I suddenly thought to myself. Is hitting 21 the key point of change?

21 being the age where teenager/young adults officially turn legal. Does turning 21 also mean others?

I mean going this these 6 months of being 20 and with just 6 more months before I turn 21, it feels like I’m at the mid point of a young adult and an adult. If you get what I mean. Suddenly, I feel that turning 21 may not be the most pleasant thing around.

I was looking at the mirror just now when I thought to myself what a horrible sight. Is this really me? If I look like this at 21, how will I look in 30 years time? I started taking my facial product and putting them on one by one. Then I thought to myself again, exactly how much can my face absorb? How many different kind of products should I be using? What should I do to gain back the glow of the youth?

I took some time to think back about how I allowed my teenage time to just flash by in a second just like that. Now that I am turning 21, is this the crossroad where I have to be firm with what I want to do in future? What do people do when they turn 21? How important is turning 21 exactly? Am I taking it too seriously? Should I just party it away? What is the great deal about the big 21

I allowed such thoughts to linger around in my mind while I apply the moisturizer on. It suddenly strike me. 21 is the time where I officially step into a world I know nothing about. 21 is the ‘re birth’ of my life. Well, at least this theory works for me.

Having new ideas about life. Having new expectations of myself. Having new expectations of people. Everything is about having new -.

So I gave myself these remaining 6 months to think about what exactly are the new things I want to be re born into. I might need some help. So dear friends, please ditch your partner for a while and hear me rant once in a while.

xoxo,
deb

I feel like killing myself right now. Why. Why did I even feel happy in the first place when I hear you blow your mouth.

I am so sick of seeing the mirror every morning only to see a fat ass staring back at me.

I hate it when people say ‘you’re not fat’. They don’t see me naked everyday. I do.

I feel like grabbing a knife to slice out every single excess fat shit I see on my body - I bet that will feed a country.

I’d do anything to get my ass into some freaking center to lose some freaking weight.

No. I do not believe exercise makes you lose weight - they help you maintain the weight.

I want to go on a diet - I don’t wanna eat. I wanna lose 10 kg in 3 months.

I want to be slim, slender whatever you call it.

I don’t want to believe you anymore.

Liar.

Bragger.

Piss off.

I am hungry. Waiting for food to come from Malaysia. Literally. Parents are over there and they promised dinner back. But. They said it was like evening. It’s nearing 11 and I still don’t see them with my yumz. I AM HUNGRY. I ran longer than usual and I am HUNGRY! ): Worse. I wanted to upload pictures and when I saw the pictures I am about to upload, I almost died. Haha. You’ll see.

The food’s all raw because I was waiting for it to be cooked. But when it got cooked and all. Hee. I was too engrossed in eating that I forgot about picture taking. Haha! But the food is SUPER DUPER DUPER SUPER DELICIOUS!!! OHHHHH.. THE OYSTER I HAD……………………… SLURP! OMG!

I want dinner now. It’s supper. I am tempted to give up waiting and all. But. UGH. I will burst if they come back without dinner. ):

hungry girl.

debdeb